No. 247 - You Snooze, You Lose

Welcome to the first installment of The Terrible List, where we look at all things terrible in our society. Our targets will be infinite, our bias just and discriminate. And the electrifying jolt of reality we will inject into your mind will be nothing short of revelatory.

Anyway, let's get right into our list, a scientific goundbreaking project that's the end result of hundreds of hours spent in a thinktank with the country's most insightful and brightest primates, comprising 80 orangutans, 50 chimpanzees and a few gibbons.

First up on our list is a topic we could no longer ignore, nor will we be caught falling asleep while this alarming problem persists.

No. 247 The Snooze Button

Oh, you temptress of the morning, you lull me into a false sense of hope that I could have things both ways: snug in the comfort of my bed, while also up and getting ready for work. While in the early painful hours of the morning you seem like the best invention ever given to mankind, your duplicity leads many down a dead-end street that starts with an innocent day or two of getting up late, and leads into being written up at work, eventually being fired, then into a downward spiral of joblessness, possible homelessness and despair at the end of this bitter road. Important morning meetings, family events, court dates: they all take a backseat to this concubine of worthless 20-minute bouts of sleep.

This innocent-looking space bar mixed with a dose of cool should be pried from your alarm clock with a screwdriver or other like sharp obect at once, lest you go down this same treacherous road of procrastination and laziness.

Whoever invented the snooze feature should get a swift kick on the backside.