No. 15 - Air Apparent

Air is killing us. Not in a toxins-are-eating-your-lungs sort of way, but rather the air itself slowly kills all of us. It steadily wears at our organs, skin and brains like a determined nail file to a stone.

And despite its wickedness, we still associate the air with positive things: the phrase, "a breath of fresh air," Air Supply, the dainty new Macbook Air, the movie "Con Air," featuring Nicolas Cage.

Air is mysterious, and even a bit magical, but this magic can only point to witchcraft, the dark arts, black lights and gloominess. We all know that if you can’t see it, it doesn’t really exist, right?

Air mocks us and takes our money. When we purchase a bag of our favorite chips, the first thing that happens is the air in the bag, which is three-quarters of said bag’s contents, instantly escapes. You’ve essentially paid to set a bunch of air free into the air, the same air that will, in fact, someday kill you. Frito-Lay or suicide machine? You decide.

Some people cut out the middleman and go straight for the air with their wallets firmly in hand. When stepping off an airplane in Las Vegas, one is instantly met with airport oxygen bars, selling the uncut O2 to those addicts fixing to ride the clear dragon.

Air is not a fan of living things. It consumes food, flesh and other organic material with the voracity of a sumo wrestler at a buffet. And then there’s oxygen, air’s hunch-backed accomplice and one of the main components of the air we breathe. And if you think oxygen is your friend, try breathing it in while near an open flame, and at that point, you better say goodbye to your eyebrows and your dignity as well. Oxygen is a destructive element, pulling life from us, and who sustains us with its poisonous feast? Plants, of course, but that's a different listing altogether.

Extending its reach beyond the living, look at what air is capable of doing to metal and other hearty materials in the form of oxidation, rust and general urban decay. Air is a real vindictive bitch, and your number's at the top of her speed dial.

So the next time you get too comfortable and take a deep breath, don't be lulled by the so-called air's ability to keep you alive; there are likely storm clouds waiting in the wings to soak your sorry ass.